Another year, another school Carnival. Another chance for us parents of Scout to really see his Aspie come out in a big way.  As I said in last year’s post, this is really hard on me and the C-man.  Watching Scout get so over-stimulated so that he gets upset about not winning a game or getting the prizes he really wanted (therefore, NOTHING ever goes his way, he never gets ANYTHING, the whine is so potent I’m ready to throw a block of cheese at him) and then how maybe three kids the entire evening say one word to him….well, it’s just not really fun.  I can’t help but look at every other (it feels like) boy there and think how wonderfully obnoxious and typical they are.  They pal around with friends, running from room to room and ribbing each other as they hoola-hoop or get crazy hair-dos together.  They cheer for each other when they win something at the raffle. They surround the pie throwing contest with laughs and jeers.  They are part of the community, part of a tribe, a pack.  Scout is completely not.  I can’t tell you how many kids looked at him and looked away.  Kids that in years past had been his playmates.

And in turn, C-man and I don’t really feel like part of the community, either.  I know I’ve said this before, but yet again it is so painfully obvious in this situation….when your child is not involved, neither are you.  No basketball, hockey, football or baseball games.  No chances for me as a mom to get to know the other moms, commiserating over team losses on cold bleachers or feeling the victory when they win.  In our old community it would have been the same thing, it’s not like Scout would have joined any more there than he does here….but both of my kids grew up with a lot of those families in ECFE and just plain seeing those kids from kindergarten on up–with playdates for us moms as well, drinking coffee and letting our kids destroy each other’s houses.  Simply by osmosis, we were in.  Especially in this new town where we live, it’s hard to break into people’s little groups.  A lot of these parents actually grew up here and they don’t need any new people in their lives.  We’ve been here almost four years and it still feels brand new.

So now you need to throw a block of cheese at me, I suppose.  It’s true, I am feeling sorry for myself.  But there it is.  It’s always these Carnival-type things that make me come home and feel like enrolling Scout in a more private, smaller school where he–and let’s face it, we–won’t get lost in the crowd.  I truly realize that this is more than likely my problem only, Scout probably doesn’t notice it at all and could care less.  But it sure is hard to watch.

I never thought I’d say this, but I almost can’t wait for him to get into middle school!  No more Carnivals and parents aren’t expected to be there and be involved in everything.  No feeling so much like an outsider when you aren’t in in the first place.  Bah.  Actually, a glass of wine sounds really good right now….!!