It wasn’t the distraction that I’m worried about–I mean really, who wouldn’t laugh at a kid with a pencil in his butt?!–but it was the ‘apology’ that was anything but.  (or, butt??  Sorry, couldn’t resist.)  It was rife with sarcasm and the only heartfelt part about it was the fact that Scout vehemently did NOT want to admit he did anything wrong.  As usual, everyone else is wrong, and he is right.  This is his immediate response to anything that happens where he knows, deep down inside, that he is in the wrong.  He just can’t even admit it to himself and instead lashes out at everyone else.

This really worries me.  As I always think, how in the world will he keep a job someday if constructive criticism causes him to react like that??  Well, he won’t.  And there I go again, worrying about something years down the road…but it’s so hard not to.  To me, this is just another Temptation.

I mean, as any of you dear readers know, Scout is a very smart kid.  He knows right from wrong.  So why would he do this when he knows it is disrespectful and will get him into trouble?  Because he just can’t resist.  He feels he has no control over it.  This could potentially get him into so much trouble not only with others, but himself.  Very scary for a parent!!!

Next week we are taking him to a new psychologist to give him someone to talk to, someone who might be a better fit than the last.  It’s not something we want to mess around with.  Maybe it’s getting worse now because at almost-11 his adolescent hormones are starting to rage??   Better try to nip that in the bud now!!

Sigh, it never ends.  Just when you think things are going well, something else pops up to deal with.  But looking at it from the more positive side, these things coming up are giving us the opportunity to get help for Scout now, before things get worse.  I do believe things happen for a reason–who knew a boy sticking a pencil in his rear would create such an opportunity??!

A couple of years ago he did this at his bus stop.  The house up the street where he waits has a pole right in their yard–apparently a very tempting pole to stick one’s tongue to.  The first time he did this I chalked it up to a boy just being a boy….or even a curious person just being curious.  Who wouldn’t want to know if something like that really worked?  (in fact, I guess I’ve gotta hand it to him– I would have been way too chicken as a kid to even try it!)  The incident happened when he got off his bus–he was a couple of minutes late and came home crying with blood running from his mouth.  I admit that I tried not to laugh as I consoled him and figured he definitely learned his lesson.

So then just the other day he shows me marks on his tongue and says he did it again–bragging, in a way–and that he had one of the girls run across the street to get a cup of warm water to pour on there so he could get it off…this time he knew what to do.  But this was before school, I would have been SO angry if he would have made himself and the girl miss the bus!!!  He was a bit confused that he got no sympathy from me about the whole business.  Good grief.

Ahhh, the Temptations. I kind of thought the meds he’s been on had nipped those in the bud, for the most part.  Indeed he hasn’t been obsessive about doing things he knows would be unpleasant like he was pre-meds.  But this incident really irritated me–this time not only did it involve him, but someone else as well.  And it scares me–it’s sticking his tongue on a pole now, but what will it be later??  Let’s hope this time he really has satisfied his curiosity about that whole thing.  And all this without even a ‘double dog dare’.

Of course I am beyond proud of him.  The suspense of the whole thing as the kids get eliminated one by one just about kills me.  It started out with ten kids and eventually got down to two, Scout and a girl.  Some of the questions the kids got two answers to choose from, some not, some they wrote down the answer.  It’s all very official.  I honestly could have only answered a few of those questions that were asked, it’s unbelievable how these little kids just rattle off the answers.

And of course Scout was his complete Ham Self the entire time–dramatically putting his head down on the table if he missed an answer, clapping or fist-pumping when he was correct, even eagerly shouting out an answer before the end of the question was even read. (show-off!!)  The boy needs to reign it in–he’d better go out for theater!–but of course it was adorable and fun to see him so into it, even though he had been rubbing his eyes and saying how tired he was!

Probably the MOST proud I was was when he first realized he won, when he turned to his opponent and congratulated her.  All on his own, no prompting.  And when all of the kids gathered together for their group yearbook photo, they all congratulated Sullivan with words and high fives.  Oh, to see my son part of the group, happy and accepted–heck, LOOKED UP TO by his peers.  It was a shining moment.

He received a certificate and a medal which he wore proudly.  As we walked the halls and he told his beloved teacher and adults at the school who work with him in one way or another he was in the clouds, everyone was so proud of him.  He showed us the plaque where his name will be engraved along with the other previous winners, and was off to do the morning announcements.

This was His Moment.  He will never score a touchdown or the winning basket, but he is one smart cookie.  And I am SO proud of that. And the fact that it all just comes naturally to him is amazing to me.

So now, Scout will take a written test to see if he qualifies to enter the State Wide Spelling Bee.  If he wins that he would be onto the National one!  Honestly though, I don’t care if he goes any further.  He is ALWAYS a winner in my book!

Best part of all… I got to be there!  Last year I was so sad, as I had to work and miss out on the event.  It meant to the world to me to be there.  (no pun intended.)

In other words, he’s off to commit Social Suicide.

I remember the last time he broke out into a Just Dance dance.  I posted about that too–it was at a school function and I painfully watched from afar as boys made fun of him and he was oblivious.  Hey, at least this time I don’t have to watch, right?

Recently Scout announced that he was going to do this.  Apparently another boy did…his dance was to “I’m Sexy and I Know it”, by LMFAO.  I guess it could be worse.

Last night C-man and I decided we should probably warn Scout about the possible consequences.  Once again, it’s that tough balance between being so happy that your child wants to do something they are proud of and don’t care what anyone thinks, and worrying about their well-being in this world of bullying.  We tried to explain in the most supportive way, just this.  The fact of the matter is, if Scout performs this dance, there will be many kids making fun of him.  We laid it on the line–and still Scout shrugged and said he didn’t care.

He saw my face this morning as he shoved his musical gear into his backpack.  ”Don’t worry, Mom!”  he said to me.  I can’t help it.  All day it will worry me.  At least I guess I should be happy that he was able to read the look on my face, something many Aspies have a hard time doing.

Oh how I love that he doesn’t care what people think, oh how I wish I could be like that.  It’s a wonderful trait that he, as an Aspie, has. (maybe not all Aspies do, but I have a feeling if he didn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome he would be more aware of the social ramifications!)

Oh, how I wish the world was a friendlier place and kids let kids express themselves without ridicule.

I’ll be anxious all day to hear how it went.  Of course from Scout’s perspective, it will be great.  Everyone will love the music and his dance will be perfect.  Because he’s only in his own perspective.

Anyway, Halloween was another good experience this year.  Scout’s friend Jacob came along to trick or treat once again.  Isn’t begging for candy from strangers so much more fun with an accomplice?  In true Scout/Aspie form, Scout went as a Barrel Of Toxic Waste.  He got this idea from his beloved ‘Calvin and Hobbes’ comics.   It was a big success, getting lots of great comments, but not so fun to run around in across root-infested lawns, up and down stairs, and around curbs in the pitch.  Scout looked like a cartoon himself, trying to run from house to house with his little legs only able to take baby steps as he went.  Of course when one is getting boat-loads of free candy, one doesn’t notice.  It was another successful haul.  So successful, in fact, that Mom ate all of the Snickers and now he’s old enough to notice.  I had to promise next time we go to the store I’d buy him a full-sized one.

Overall, things are going well.  I would say the meds Scout is on definitely is helping his temperament.  He can roll with the punches, go with the flow, much easier these days.  Blessed C-man does his homework with him and says he isn’t as quick to get frustrated and upset, which of course is a very good thing.  Scout had a sleepover at a friend’s house over the weekend, which of course makes me want to jump for joy.

He has again started practice for the Geography Bee at his school.  It’s interesting, this year he is not studying for it and talking about it as much as last year.  I’m curious how he’ll take it if he doesn’t do as well.  Of course if he doesn’t it will be everyone else’s fault but his own.  Ownership and consequence is something we constantly work on.  They are concepts he just doesn’t seem to understand and/or care about.  It’s a worry that plagues me as I try to cling to my mantra, ‘day at a time, day at a time’…and not wonder how in the world he will ever complete anything on his own as an adult.

Guess I’ll go back to my Snickers and finish this blog post…

Celebration Generation:  Food, Life, Kitties!

Go Marie!!!!

At Scout’s tender age of five, the doctor who bestowed him his label spent the first 40 minutes of our appointment explaining all of the tests and observations that were involved with getting the diagnosis.  In the final 10 he told us our son had Asperger’s Syndrome, told us his printer was broken so he couldn’t give us any information about it, and informed us that Scout could be on medication.  Any questions?  Needless to say we were horrified and left there with more questions than answers.  With even our doctor not recognizing the fact that Scout was on the spectrum because he is so high functioning, I know both C-man and I didn’t necessarily think drugs needed to be part of the plan.  It’s not that we were against them…but it was definitely not something we were going to jump into lightly.

And we never needed to.  For the last 5 years OT, social services and summer school seemed to be helping Scout along quite nicely.  But of course with age comes more understanding.  And with understanding comes fear.  I don’t blame Scout one bit, this world of ours can be an awfully scary place.  Especially when you see the world as intricately as he does.  I feel blessed that I don’t, to be honest.

Not long ago Scout started to get these ‘temptations’–things he wanted to do but knew they were not something he REALLY wanted to do.  Like throw his favorite car out of our car window.  Or tear up one of his favorite cartoons that he worked really hard on.  Or stick his finger down his throat to make himself throw up, which really scared him. Sometimes he would come up to us and start crying, thinking about something he did years ago that he felt badly about.  All of this made me look at C-man and say the word. Drugs.

We took him in for some counseling before we jumped on the ol’ drug bandwagon.  The therapist agreed that he might indeed benefit from such a thing.  We started him at a lower dose and have just recently bumped it up a little.

Dare I say, I do believe it has helped?  Since he first started we’ve seen improvements.  There are no more ‘temptations’.  He can talk about ‘throw up’ without going into a panic, even joke about it.  He seems more quick with an ‘okay’, when told to do something, or to stop doing something when it’s time to.  Things seem easier with schoolwork.  It could just be what they are working on in math right now, and the fact that he’s getting some good one-on-one extra help–but I’ll be darned if I’m not seeing an improvement with his whole attitude when it comes to the dreaded math homework.  Cue the singing angels!!!!

Now I just have to work on finding a new shrink for him.  The last time we saw her, which was only the second appointment, both C-man and I were less than impressed.  She didn’t even know what dose Scout was currently taking, had to look back at her notes to even see that he took the whole ADHD diagnostic test already after suggesting it. (he came up very borderline with that one.)  Seriously, does anyone else feel like finding a good doctor is like a needle in the haystack?  Even my hubby and I have been going from doctor to doctor lately, as ours retire or move on to another practice somewhere.  It’s frustrating and hard to know where to go next.  But that’s a whole ‘nother post….!!

Is there a part of me that feels a bit guilty as a mother that we can’t help Scout along without the support of medication?  Well of course.  I don’t think I’d be a parent if I didn’t feel that way.  No one likes to feel dependent on anything, and as parents we always want to make everything all right for our kids.  Ourselves.  Because that’s our job.  But if there is one thing Asperger’s has taught me is that there is no one answer to anything, and support is a damn good thing…in any form I can get it.

Maybe it’s just painful for me.  That’s what I’m trying to figure out, and trying to come to terms with.  I always get my hopes up that things will be different ‘next time’.  Scout does have a handful of friends that he plays with, has lunch with, has sleepovers with.  But when we go to these elementary get-togethers he is definitely the outsider.  Even if any of his friends are there he doesn’t pay much attention to them.  He doesn’t pal up and go on the monkey bars, or sit down to eat, throw around a football, whatever–with anyone.  It kills me.

Tonight I had high hopes that this would be better.  The start of a new year and the last year Scout will be at this school, I would know more moms than usual and he would have his little core group.  We got there a bit early and immediately my hopes were dashed.  A DJ was there and was already playing some loud thumping music.  Three boys were hanging around the booth, boys Scout has known and even had to birthday parties in the past.  Instead of going over to say hi to these boys, Scout starts dancing.  Not just dancing, but doing the dramatic moves he’s learned off of his Wii game that–let’s face it–without the screen in front of him, look pretty darn silly.  He thinks it’s cool and impressive.  He doesn’t understand that  a) it’s not. b) when no one else is dancing, it’s probably not a great idea to start pulling out your moves.  c)  the boys under the tent were all laughing and making fun of him.  Just kill me now.

I called him over and told him he needed to stop dancing because no one else was and people might think it’s strange.  Is that being a bad mom?  Is it bad to not just let him do what he wants to do and the hell with what others think?  Maybe I’m wrong, but my thought is that I’d like to help keep him from committing social suicide.  He always automatically reaches out for my hand when we are walking side by side.  We have always held hands when we walk.  However, now that he is a big 5th grader, I doubt many of those boys hold hands with their moms anymore–at least not in public.  It’s so hard for me, but I have to tell him NOT to hold my hand when we are at school.  I feel horrible doing it, but I’ve explained why I am saying that to him.  I’m sure he understands, but it still hurts.

It hurts not to hold his hand, and it hurts that I can’t just let him do whatever he wants to because those are the Social Rules.  I’m trying to make his foray into middle school easier by making him aware of it all now.  It really sucks.

Moms and Dads of kids on the spectrum, people out there on the spectrum, please tell me:  Am I doing all of this because it’s my own problem?  Do I need to just get over feeling embarrassed for him and wanting to pour myself a drink every time we get home from a social function because I’M the only one feeling sad and alone??  The one thing about Asperger’s that I say is a blessing is I don’t think he even notices or cares if he’s fitting in with everyone else.

But maybe he does.

I don’t know.

Ahhh, the Great Minnesota Get-Together.  

Kids LOVE the fair, of course, and Scout is no exception.  I’m impressed and amazed by this, since your typical (not that there really is a typical!) kid on the spectrum couldn’t stand the noise, commotion, and general unpredictable-ness of such a place!!  Of course he wants the entire day to be about HIM and sometimes gets a bit ruffled when the rest of us have something we want to do instead of his first choice, but I suppose any child can get that way.  The fact that it is a wonder he can enjoy such a thing was brought home to me when I met a woman there who mentioned she had 12 year old twins with autism that stayed home because they just couldn’t handle it.  (Hi Wendy!)  I felt sad for her that she couldn’t enjoy the look of joy on their faces that I get to experience with Scout as he encounters new sights and pushes himself a bit to do things that may make him uncomfortable.

Probably Scout’s favorite experience of the fair was this Bubble pen sponsored by Mr. Bubble. (I have a thing for Mr. Bubble…Scout wasn’t the only one who got a temporary tattoo of the cute little thing on his arm!)  This was new to the fair this year and oh-so-cool!  There was a bubble machine pumping out more and more bubbles as kids ran, rolled and piled bubbles all over themselves.  It was a hoot.  We warned Scout that he would be wet-wet-wet for a looong time after as we walked around the fair, but he went in anyway and never complained after.  I was very impressed by this as even I would NOT be comfortable walking around for hours in wet underwear!  Take that, Sensory Issues!!

Scout and I always hit the Butterfly House every year.  C-man could care less and V is deathly afraid of their tickle, so it’s something Scout and I have together that we love doing.  It’s so magical to have butterflies land on you like old friends.  You can have them climb onto your finger and it’s like they love being there.  I don’t know how they tame those things, but somehow they do!  I love this photo I got, Scout with a big moth on one hand and the other one having just taken flight off of his other finger.  Plus nothing brings you down to earth more than having a stranger tell you that you have a butterfly on your butt.  I’m telling you, these butterflies are friendly.

Each year the kids enter art work in the fair.  I never would have thought of this but my hubby does this himself and started the kids on it when they were quite young. (this is actually the first year my hubby got in after 10 years of trying!  wahoo!)  V did not get her painting in this year, but Sullivan’s clay polar bear box won a 2nd place ribbon!  I think entering this contest is a great lesson for the kids.  They see the value of their creations and of course feel very proud if they are recognized.  It’s also a good lesson if they’re not.  It’s so fun to go into the building and see their piece on display in the glass case!

This was the first year Scout really hit the main Midway.  He still did a few rides in the smaller ‘Kidway’, but as night fell and we headed over to the big scary rides for our teen V, Scout was ready to try a few.  One he loved so much he even went on twice.  He still won’t ever go on the scary rides–of course, 15 year old V won’t either!–and he seems to avoid anything that spins. (ironic, since spinning was a therapy he had years ago during some OT time) But he was so proud of the fact that he tried the rides he did, and he loved every minute. V even lowered herself to go on with him. I can’t tell you how happy it made me to see him up there, being brave and experiencing pure joy.  Seeing he and his sister together was enough to make sappy mom cry some tears.  Lord knows I can’t do those rides anymore, sadly, but I do remember that feeling they gave me.  It was such a feeling of freedom to fly threw the air.  It was scary, exhilarating, and nothing made you feel more alive.  I looked up at my two kids smiling and knowing they were feeling that way and I just felt overwhelmed with love and gratefulness that they are a part of my life.  Seeing them fly through the air I felt how they can do anything in their lives, they are free and healthy and happy.  Nothing is more satisfying for a mom than that feeling.  All this for the price of admission to a State Fair.  Well worth it.  The Great Minnesota Get-Together indeed!

We found this great apartment to rent for a few days, it was right in Beechwood Canyon directly under the Hollywood sign. People would take cabs to get photos of it, and we just walked right down to the end of our little street.  Scout just had to do a karate kick with his sunglasses on, celebrity-style.  nice.

We hit the Farmer’s Market on Fairfax, Melrose Avenue for some serious shopping, Santa Monica and Venice Beach and as I mentioned before, the happiest place on earth.  That would be Disney, according to the commercials….somehow I was the only person positively giddy to be there.  The kids were sports and waited in line (s) without complaint, but I tell ya, it’s just not like it was when I was a kid.  With everything kids have today–all of the technology right at their fingertips–I can see how the quaint little special effects and moving painted dolls don’t excite them much.  Isn’t that sad?  For me it’s all about the memories, but of course they’re too young to have those memories.  How seeing those Disney things for the first time when I was young was indeed quite magical.  sigh.  I think the key for Disney, my friends, is to take your kids when they are old enough to really get something out of it, but young enough to actually believe in the magic.  I think we were past that point! (husband included!!)

From L.A. we drove to Scottsdale, AZ. to visit friends for a couple of days.  They are orthodox Jews and so we were lucky enough to spend the Shabbat with them on Friday night.  All I can say is, Wow.  Definitely one of the best meals I’ve ever had, and I just was in heaven with the beautiful ritual of it all.  I was also saying Wow at how Scout sat through the meal, through all of the prayers, and ATE EVERYTHING.  He didn’t necessarily like it all, but he tried it.  The boy was eating stuffed peppers (he won’t touch a raw pepper here at home, let alone a cooked one!) and a tuna and potato casserole complete with hard boiled egg.  I was so proud of him, it was amazing!  And all after spending hours in a swimming pool and being very tired.

In the yard of our friends’ house they had what is called a ‘Jumping Cactus’.  Reina was telling me that  the kids needed to be careful around it because if they got too close it would jump out and hurt them.  I totally thought she was teasing me, how could there be such a thing?  Well sure enough, it’s true!  I guess if you get a certain distance from it it will actually throw out a chunk of itself on you, like us being in the forest and getting burs stuck all over.  But the fact that this thing will actually jump out….eeeu!  Totally creepy, in my book.  And of course that completely fascinated Scout.  Not enough to get too close, however.

On our way back east we stopped at the Grand Canyon.  Was this the All-American vacation, or what?!  Neither C-man or I had ever seen it, and of course the kids hadn’t either.  Once again we didn’t have enough time to really get much out of it.  It would be fun to go back and hike around, really spend time seeing everything.  It was truly breathtaking.  I didn’t see that glass walk-out thing where you can basically stand right over the canyon.  Not that  you could have paid me to get on it, noooo wayyy.

Then there was nothing left of the vaca but the looooong drive home.  We had 12, 13 hour days in the car.  At some point in Denver someone who shall remain nameless missed an exit and we ended up off track somewhere in Kansas, which added another couple of hours to a day.  Can I just say that both of my children were the most amazing children of all time?  I figured V would be pretty good in the car–as long as she has her music and her phone for texting that girl can be happy anywhere.  But Scout complains on the 3 hour drive to Grammy’s house.  I wondered how the heck he was really going to do this.  We were armed with Dramamine, plenty of snacks, and of course their music and electronic games and darned if they weren’t completely happy.  They slept, ate, rocked out with their headphones, played Angry Birds, ate some more, farted and poked at each other…you know, what kids do in the car.  We stayed at less-than luxurious Super 8 Motels where we shared beds and a bathroom.  And not ONE COMPLAINT.  EVER.  Not one whine.  Not one, “are we there yet?”.  I’m still completely amazed and oh-so proud of those guys.  They were asking where our next road trip could be to!  Am I the luckiest and most blessed mom in the world?  I think I am.

We had a fun board in the car that had all of the state license plates on them, you could turn each over as you saw them on the road.  We got all but three….New Hampshire, West Virginia and of course Hawaii.  And I find myself still looking at license plates here at home, almost a week later.

One would have never known that we had an Aspie child with us on our trip.  I don’t think I knew either.  Except of course when he was able to tell us facts about each little site we saw along our way, which was fabulous.  Oh, and here was something else that was fabulous…at one point Scout was eating an apple.  We told him he could throw the core out of the window, since that is something an animal can eat.  Of course he delighted in tossing it right out of the car and as he did he exclaimed, ” There goes the apple core, into the bitch…”  He turned around and looked at V and his eyes got as big as saucers, his mouth dropping to the ground.  ”I mean ditch, I mean ditch!”  Scout said a swear without even meaning to, and we all burst out laughing.  Only my son would then say, with all sincerity, “I am SO sorry, I am SO sorry!”    That was definitely a highlight of the trip!